PinkRising™

I found it February 6, 2015, during a self-exam while showering. The moment my finger trailed over the hard, baby pea-sized mass, the world stopped. I knew exactly what it was, and no words can accurately describe the wave of emotions that washed over me in that split second of recognition.

Fear, anger, regret, hope, disbelief…

Terrified and barely able to breathe, I ended the shower, dried off, and called to schedule a mammogram. I had to see my doctor first, so an appointment was scheduled for Monday. I had to go the whole weekend allowing my over-active writer’s imagination to play with my fears.  

After I got off the phone, Tim McGraw’s voice from the song Live Like You Were Dying echoed through my mind; “How’s it hit ya…when you get that kind of news?”

Well, kind of like having your body crushed and your breath ripped out of you after being tackled by Clay Matthews, and maybe God pushed PAUSE at the moment of impact.

Consumed with fear, I hesitantly examined the spot again. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this little pebble really didn’t feel exactly like the fake cancer in the fake breast I’d examined in high school. But in my gut I knew the truth…

I had breast cancer.

Mine felt exactly like the one I’d felt in high school.

As the tears blinded me, I screamed silently…

This wasn’t supposed to happen to me! I’m invincible! Who the f*ck lost that memo and gave me cancer?

#iampinkrising

P.S. For those who don’t know Clay Matthews, he was a linebacker in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers for 10 years, a six-time Pro Bowl selection, and a two-time All Pro.